A handful of people have asked about the title of my blog. Most likely haven’t given it any thought, but for some people who spend their lives searching for missing, they wonder why it isn’t titled ‘Finding Austin’ and I had trouble articulating my reasons. But here goes.
I say ‘Losing Austin’ because it was a process that started much earlier than June of 2007. I think it started quite a few years before, as he faced some things that kids shouldn’t have to, but many do, including unexplained physical pain, and family issues that caused emotional pain. I’ve hesitated to ever put that thought into writing, but it’s not to point blame. It’s my view of when we started losing him. We lost him a little more years later when injury and heartache compounded, and from that point never seemed to really find him again. He was standing in front of us, but we didn’t see all that was really there.
I say ‘Losing Austin’ because I feel some of the blame of not catching him before he was gone.
‘Finding Austin’ sounds to me that all our hope and faith resides around that event. We pray for it, hope for it, believe on it, but our real hope is in God’s faithfulness regardless.
‘Finding Austin’ would say, to me anyway, that our focus is on finding him and our story stops there. I pray that I one day write about this crazy significant point. But our story doesn’t and can’t end there. Our story is about our response to losing him, and being called to work through it.
‘Finding Austin’ would seem to say that I really contribute to efforts to find him. I don’t even know how at this point.
‘Finding Austin’ would seem to signify that once we find him, all is well. But all will not be well, it won’t bring that magical mythical “closure” that many goodheartedly say we need. When we no longer have a missing loved one, new challenges begin, and new healing can begin. Begin is the key word.
‘Finding Austin’ might keep me mentally and emotionally focused on that goal, almost stuck until we reached it. I didn’t need a reminder of our goal; it’s never far from mind. What I needed was an honest look at where I’ve been, to help direct where I’m going.
I believe and hope that there will be a post titled ‘Finding Austin’ one day soon. What I do know, is that he was never lost to God, has been in his hands always. We just get to keep working on filling in the details.
Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.