Good News for Failures

I have said more that a few times that my son is uncoachable.

He listens intently, tries his best to do what he’s instructed, and picks up on things pretty well. He’s a smart ball player, who can take the things he’s told and translate them to the play.

Until he makes a mistake and a coach corrects him.

Sometimes it’s just correction in the form of what to do next time, and sometimes it’s a good old fashioned ass chewing. When he was a younger player, there wasn’t so much of that. But now that he’s oneĀ  of the most experienced players on a travel team, more is expected. And the intensity of the corrections is much greater. But as soon as that happens, he gets very defensive, and stops hearing what the correction was and only hears the tone and emotion. He ends up only focusing on the negative, instead of the opportunity to do better.

And as I stood by the field last week and had that thought again, it dawned on me that it’s a confidence thing- that he truly feels that if someone critiques something he does, they are critiquing him. And he feels that if they are critiquing him, that he’s a failure or they don’t like him, or he isn’t worthy at all. All because of being called out on one thing.

After thinking all that, my next thought was this- CRAP. That’s what I do. That’s me.

It’s all or none. Love me or hate me, accept me or reject me, all is good or none is good. But that’s not life. That’s not real.And that confidence issue, of not being able to see mistakes for what they are, causes me a lot of pain. Because I get defensive, feel attacked before anyone speaks a word, and feel like I’ve failed.

Maybe you have that challenge too. Of feeling like any mistake is a failure. Of feeling like one mistake makes you not worthy. Or one mistake may make someone not love you.

There’s good news.

failures

 

You’re loved. You’re worthy. You’re coachable. It’s okay.

Coaching helps us grow and learn. Coaching helps us be the best us.

It’s so easy to remind my son of that. Not so easy to remember myself. Let’s work on that together.

 

Comments

  1. Hi Anita,

    I dunno. He just sounds like a normal teenage boy to me =) So what does he think about the coaches/sports/correction/attitude thing? Is he still having fun out there like he was when he was younger?
    Chris recently posted…My Son Wants To Play Video Games For A LivingMy Profile

    • Normal for sure! But takes things harder than most. He’s actually just 10, and we talk about the importance of being able to take correction. When not in the moment he understands that it’s necessary and helps him get better. But in the moment it’s hard.

      He loves it like nothing else!

  2. I used to take correction very hard before I could divorce correction from myself. Correction is about behavior, not state-of-being or character. If I can’t take correction, I can’t improve myself. If I can’t improve myself, I can’t become a better human being. I know God loves me, but I want Him to correct me if I’m doing something that displeases Him, and as an imperfect human, I don’t always know that. Asking Him to search my heart lets Him know I’m open to correction; when I’m open, it usually comes gently. It always comes with love.
    Susan Irene Fox recently posted…Fruit of the Spirit: PatienceMy Profile

  3. We all fail at something. And I definitely need coaching. This is a great reminder :)
    Kate recently posted…Books are my escapeMy Profile

  4. I can have a hard time accepting correction…it is something I have to work at….
    April Best recently posted…Guest Post by: Christiana MayerMy Profile

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