Showing Up

A few weeks ago marked the annual “worst week” for us, which is the week 7 year ago that started with such joy, and ended with such heartbreak.

7 years ago, a little boy was turning 4 and celebrating with people who loved him, with cake and swimming and toys. The world was perfect that afternoon. One of his favorite gifts was a big green dinosaur that moved and roared, from his Uncle Austin. He was excited most of all to be going on a trip away from mom and dad for the first time, heading to the beach with his beloved Nina.

The trip was cut short, the beach had to wait, as he and his Nina rushed back to help find Austin.

This year, that little boy turned 11 and he celebrated with people who loved him, with cake and swimming and electronics, and a carbon copy 4 year old brother. The world was almost perfect for an afternoon. He slid down roller coaster type water slides, posted photos on his new Instagram account fromĀ  his new phone, and stuffed his face with pizza. He was excited about his baseball trip the next weekend, ready to hit the clay.

But before that trip, he helped welcome his Nina back, as she came to help find Austin.

So much the same.

7 years ago, friends and family rallied beside us, determined to help find him. Now, in all honesty, most of those who knew Austin don’t show up anymore. But more people than we ever could have asked for, that never knew Austin, do show up. They showed up in large groups, from all over the Southeast (and a few even further).

And the same story was told over and over. They showed up, because my mom shows up. She showed up and sat with them on the side of the interstate while their son was pulled from the water. She showed up and wouldn’t go home when planned, because they needed her. She showed up and handed out tough love, pushing searchers hard. She showed up and was cut and bruised and swelling and kept going.

There is so much to be said for showing up.

This group stood together, on the side of a busy road and hugged and cried and loved. They showed up. For my mom and for Austin. For Rosemary and her family. For Mark and Bryan and their families. For Josh and his family. For John and his family. For the others represented there that night.

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And then they searched.

For 2 days, in 100 heat index weather, in long pants and long sleeves and boots, with short breaks for water and snacks.

Including my mom.

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And we reached the end of this part of the journey. Austin wasn’t brought home. And that creates more questions than answers. It felt like our story of the search for Austin was coming to an end. But instead, it was the end of what we know to do for now.

I don’t know what’s next. Before I even thought about it, we needed to go enjoy some family time and be reminded of all the joy there still is. We cheered on Drew in baseball. We swam in freezing springs. We listened to bullfrogs and crickets and horses. We reconnected with friends and twirled sparklers on a beach in the dark.

We celebrated summer like we didn’t get to 7 years ago.

We won’t ever stop searching. We won’t ever stop yearning for answers. We won’t ever stop aching with miss.

But we’ll keep showing up. For me, that mostly means showing up for my kids. Because they deserve summers full of all the things my brother and I enjoyed.

And I’ll keep hearing his laugh, knowing that we haven’t lost all of him.

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What’s keeping you from showing up in areas you maybe should? For hurting friends, for fast growing kids, for yourself.

Showing up can look like many different things. It can look like a hug, a text, a card. It can look like a freshly mowed yard, a plate of cookies or an afternoon entirely dedicated to them.

Something is coming to mind- somewhere you need to show up.

Show up. Celebrate. Laugh. You won’t get today back.

 

 

 

Comments

  1. Anita, a beautiful reminder that we need to take each day as a gift. So glad Drew got to celebrate the way every child should. Bless you and your family.
    Susan Irene Fox recently posted…SaviorMy Profile

  2. Oh, this is such a deeply touching post… incredible journey of heartbreak that is threaded with inspiration. I am praying for answers to prayers… I am praying for all of your precious hearts.

    And I am so glad you were able to celebrate a beautiful birthday with all the blessings you *could find*.
    Chris Carter recently posted…Finding New Thankful Hearts!My Profile

  3. This is the first post of yours that I’ve read… an absolutely heartbreaking story. It’s hard to be left with nothing but more questions in response to our questions. But I’m glad for the joy you are also able to find and that he was able to have such a perfect summer birthday, complete with instagram.
    Aussa Lorens recently posted…How to Die of AnxietyMy Profile

    • Heartbreaking no doubt, but trying to make the story about so much more. Thanks for the encouragement!

  4. I don’t know what I expected to read, but this wasn’t it. Thank you for being so brave. I’m sure this was difficult to write.
    Divorced Kat recently posted…My Great Debate: Should I Have Casual Sex?My Profile

  5. Anita! I never knew your story!! I’m so glad I came across this post. Keep searching and showing up. Showing up is SO important, even more important than words.

  6. love this post, and you sharing your journey, and your never giving up!!!
    April recently posted…Guest Post by: Martin HimmelMy Profile

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