Rewind: The Bad One

About two years ago I wrote a post I thought I’d share again.  Mostly because there were about 2 people a day reading my blog back then!  And because two years later it’s all still true.

Still finding my way, still parenting a good kid and a bad kid.

And still loving it all.

Wasn’t he precious?!

The Bad One

Cracked Eggs

I have calculated that I need 82 more vacation days to successfully organize my house.  And that would not even count the garage, which I won’t touch if my life depends on it.

This drives me nuts.  As in, certifiably, would prefer to run away, nuts.

So why don’t I work on it piece by piece in the hour or two I have here and there?  Because in the hour or two I have here and there, I prefer to enjoy our life.  And because I require sleep (and oddly enough, massive hours of sleep, and always have).  And because I do, but a house full of people and dogs and birds and hermit crabs (yes, there are technically 8 animals in our home) undoes it.  So my life house stays unorganized and cluttered and not at all like a Pottery Barn catalog, which is exactly how I picture it will be one day- you know, when I somehow have the ability to take 82 days of vacation that I dedicate solely to the house.  That day.

But life is messy, and out of control and will likely never be the storybook picture.  So much of our life is completely out of my control, that it doesn’t take a psychologist to see that I try to grasp it where I can (though some suggest I still need to see one regularly, but I’m sure they’re wrong and nuts themselves!).  And while I do  try to accept the lack of control and give everything up to God about the big things, I keep grasping at the smaller ones. 

Saturday night while we were coloring Easter eggs, I looked down at an egg that had not turned out at all like we planned.  It wasn’t the color we thought (I may have mixed a few three tablets in one bowl), and I didn’t think it particularly pretty.  But the boys thought it was one of the coolest.

I would really prefer them all to be crafted beautifully, you know, Pinterest worthy.  I’d like to show off our creations, and have you jealous.  Have you ask us to show you how we could have possibly made these amazing pieces of art. 

But instead, we had fun.  We laughed.  We cracked them.  We got our fingers stained.

We ended up with eggs just like life- not what you expect, not what you’d design, but beautiful and messy, and what you wouldn’t trade for the world.

I think God sees us like that too.  We are cracked and stained, and not exactly perfect.  But He loves us and accepts us, and even celebrates us. He holds us up to the world and claims us as His own.  I couldn’t be more thankful for that.

 “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1)

Happy 30th Birthday Austin

Austin’s birthday is coming up in just a few short days, and as birthdays are usually good for, it makes us reflect on his life.  We’re in that really odd situation, that horrible situation, of not knowing if his life is ongoing or not.  Wait, I really should rephrase that, because it’s just not true.  This year, Easter and Austin’s birthday are on the same day, April 24.  With Easter, comes celebrating that Christ gave His life for us and rose from the dead so we can be with Him forever.  Shortly after Austin’s disappearance, we heard from a friend that he had just recently reiterated his Christian faith to her.  What a gift.  Because I do believe that his life continues- maybe here on earth, or maybe in heaven- and I also believe that he’s only lost to us, not to God.  God knows exactly where Austin is, he knows and he still cares.  Remembering that helps me remember Austin with a smile, even through the pain.

Austin and I shared a similar sense of humor, and I actually most often miss him when I want to laugh at something we would have laughed at together.  It was usually family, sometimes at truly funny things, and sometimes as a way to cope with the tough things that we didn’t truly think were so funny.  I like to think that if Austin were asked about me, he’d say that I tried to help him when I could, and I laughed with him.

This weekend, while celebrating Easter with my kiddos and all their excitement, and with friends at church, and with a bit of family time, I’ll be smiling remembering his life, and thankful that God is still in control.

Matthew 6:25-34 (The Message)

 25-26“If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
 27-29“Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
 30-33“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
 34“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.