Today

Hours do not have enough minutes. Days do not have enough hours. Weeks do not have enough days. Months…. well, you get the picture. We run out of time to do what we need or what we want. We make choices constantly on what gets our time because for most of us, not everything we want can be done.

I face this daily. And daily I feel guilt over it. I feel guilt because I didn’t spend enough time with my boys, didn’t get home soon enough to give my amazing husband a break, didn’t get tasks done on a project at work, didn’t answer every question my team asked, didn’t finish script edits for church, didn’t check in with a friend I meant to, didn’t make calls to get donations for the search. Then at times I feel guilty for not spending a bit more time on me to keep me from getting burned out so badly I have nothing left to give.

Last night we drove about 30 miles out of town and I had moments of dreaming of living out there, away from it all. Just me and the guys and a visit to town or visit from friends now and then. And then I remembered that I’d go crazy after two days.

I love all that I do. I’d love a little less of it, but I haven’t figured out how to make that happen.

So for now, I’ll keep doing the best I can. Today isn’t the day I become the world’s best mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, employee, boss, volunteer or anything else. But maybe I’ll do good enough to make it one more day.



– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Life Isn’t Fair….

Recently Drew has thought a lot of things to be ‘not fair’ to him.  Simple things like not being allowed to have Coke, to having to play with a toy in his room that he doesn’t want his brother to get his hands on, to not winning a game against his Dad.  I’m not very sympathetic and probably make it worse.  But blaming things you do, or don’t do, on life not being fair is just childish.

Oh wait…

A friend’s name came across my computer earlier and I sulked for a minute about not having talked to them in a while and missing them.  We don’t talk as often due to changes in their life that were positive, but still left me pouting a bit.  As a result, I’ve been slow to respond and haven’t reached out.  Because you see, they made the changes, not me, so why do I have to make extra effort… that’s just not fair.

It reminded that I’m no less guilty of this than Drew.  I don’t feel it’s fair that my husband is sick as many days as not with no end in sight.  I don’t think it’s fair that I have lost my brother.  I don’t think it’s fair that my husband has siblings that we can’t come to a peaceful place with.  I don’t think it’s fair that my sons don’t have those aunts and uncles and cousins to know.  I think a lot of things aren’t fair.

But life isn’t fair.  If we all had what we thought was fair, well that would be impossible.  If I got every job opportunity I wanted it would seem fair to me but not to others who didn’t get it.  If someone funded a large study to cure my husband’s illness that would be fair to us, but seem unfair to those suffering from another illness that isn’t well funded.

Things can’t be fair to everyone, and we often use that as an excuse to not be faithful.  We aren’t faithful to what God calls us to do because He gave more to someone else, so they should do it.  We aren’t faithful to friends (and sometimes family) because they made choices so they should deal with it themselves.  We aren’t even faithful to ourselves and our potential, because after all life isn’t fair and it doesn’t matter what I do.

God is always faithful to us, even when it doesn’t seem that He’s fair.  Much like a child sees their parent as unfair when there is good reason that the child can’t understand, so is the same with us.  Life isn’t going to feel fair most days, but when we’re faithful it can be even better than we knew..