One Scary Night

I do not enjoy scary things and never have.  We could delve into my psyche to figure out if it was indeed the severe burns and weeks in a burn unit with great pain that caused my fear of doctors which could have caused a fear of other related things… or if it was worsened by a near disaster when a man attempted to hold up my family as an older child… or maybe it was the woods around our house that always felt creepy with the unknown.

Truthfully, I don’t think it was any of those things, I think I just am not someone who likes the dark, the creepy, or anything in a white coat.  Though I’m sure some of those things had impact along the way.  But I do love Halloween, as a time not to be scared but to transform into something fun, when you can greet neighbors and eat candy, and be someone other than your ordinary.  As a friend said, “We celebrate candy and fun!”

While I’ve never really understood some people’s fascination with gore and fear, I understand it even less now than ever.  Do they not know that there is real terror in the world on a daily basis and while they can they should focus on the good?  Do they have so little trouble of their own that they want to imagine the worst?  Or maybe being scared simply reminds them that what they face is not as terrifying as what could be.

But for us and so many families with a missing loved one, we have enough fear.  We’ve faced them down and proven brave enough to look for answers no matter what they may be.  We have enough gore, with possible scenarios for some that are worse than any movie they’ve seen.  We have enough suspense, never knowing what a day may hold with news we’ve been waiting for over years.

So we’ll celebrate the fun.

The Fun One

Not too long ago I wrote about Austin being ‘The Bad One’ But I’ve also come to the conclusion that he was also ‘The Fun One’ of us. I say this laughing, because I have fun. I truly enjoy life, relish adventures, and laugh a lot. Just like Austin did.

But…. he wouldn’t have gone to bed at 11pm, while others were just starting their night (like I did last night). He would have stories to tell this morning, other than how comfortable the hotel bed was (but it really was). He wouldn’t have considered sitting in the hotel lobby for four hours because the Skyway system might be too easy to get lost in (which it was). He would have just jumped in, though in his own relaxed way.

I’m thankful for my friends who I feel safe enough with to always have fun, and for my mom who always pushed me to live a little (though still doesn’t like me traveling alone), and a husband and kids that never let me forget that being with them is the best fun.

Over the years I’ve figured out how to not let so much get in the way of doing things I find fun. But mostly the change is being okay with my ideas of fun, and being okay with doing my own thing. But still…. Austin really was the fun one, so I guess fun and bad are sometimes the same.

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