It’s a rough week in our house, with Michael in the hospital as a result of a CVS episode that is kicking his butt. We’ve battled this for a very long time, with the first episodes just before we met. At the time we knew so little, and had no idea how many years, hospitalizations and tests he would endure. Like just about anything else, I think our whole family battles it.
|the good stuff|
I’ve become as much of an expert on his treatment and illness as possible, his voice and his reminder when he’s pushing himself too hard. Our kids know that Dad gets sick a lot and his hot baths and our frequent quick escapes from dinners out are part of their routine. My mom picks up the slack when he needs to rest, and especially when he’s in the hospital. As tough as it is for us, it’s unimaginable for him. And when we’re in the midst of it, I can’t even believe the world keeps moving outside our hospital window, keeps going without us.
It’s so much like our search for Austin, where we spent the early days not seeing how the world could keep moving, how we would keep moving. But we each did our part. In both, some days feel like giving up is the way to go.
But we have to keep battling, have to keep finding real hope in each day. I sometimes wonder what God has planned for us, when we have so many situations where hope can be hard to find, with so many days of exhaustion and heartache from it all. Some days are overwhelming. Today is one of them.
But I still know where my hope lies, not in the outcome but in God being there no matter. Knowing that God can use even us, even this. That is hope.
Tonight I just needed the reminder.