It’s a gloomy, rainy, cold and bleak day where I am today. Its not that bad by a local’s standard, but it’s 30 degrees warmer at home. I want to get home. Days like this often make me think of Austin because of the dark nature of the clouds and rain. And much like spring seems so far away that it’s hard to believe it will ever come, warm bright days must have seemed that far away from Austin. He had so many rainy, cold and gloomy days in a row, where the sun peaked from behind the clouds for moments, but didn’t stay.
As I began to write this, I had a sense that I’ve written this exact thing before, and I must have run out of original thoughts. But that’s how it is when you have a missing loved one. You don’t get to follow the grief model, going through phases with an eventual new normal. In our world, we go in circles, repeating searches, repeating emotions, repeating thoughts. Even when you aren’t battling depression, life with a missing loved one mimics it. There are glimpses of sun, days when we believe that answers will come soon. But the days linger on, turning to months and years, like a long dreary rain with nothing but gray clouds in sight.
So forgive us if we don’t move on, we seem stuck, or we seem to have lost hope some days. Or if we just write the same blog post over and over. One day the sun will break in our search and I’ll figure out what to write then. – Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone