Cracked Eggs

I have calculated that I need 82 more vacation days to successfully organize my house.  And that would not even count the garage, which I won’t touch if my life depends on it.

This drives me nuts.  As in, certifiably, would prefer to run away, nuts.

So why don’t I work on it piece by piece in the hour or two I have here and there?  Because in the hour or two I have here and there, I prefer to enjoy our life.  And because I require sleep (and oddly enough, massive hours of sleep, and always have).  And because I do, but a house full of people and dogs and birds and hermit crabs (yes, there are technically 8 animals in our home) undoes it.  So my life house stays unorganized and cluttered and not at all like a Pottery Barn catalog, which is exactly how I picture it will be one day- you know, when I somehow have the ability to take 82 days of vacation that I dedicate solely to the house.  That day.

But life is messy, and out of control and will likely never be the storybook picture.  So much of our life is completely out of my control, that it doesn’t take a psychologist to see that I try to grasp it where I can (though some suggest I still need to see one regularly, but I’m sure they’re wrong and nuts themselves!).  And while I do  try to accept the lack of control and give everything up to God about the big things, I keep grasping at the smaller ones. 

Saturday night while we were coloring Easter eggs, I looked down at an egg that had not turned out at all like we planned.  It wasn’t the color we thought (I may have mixed a few three tablets in one bowl), and I didn’t think it particularly pretty.  But the boys thought it was one of the coolest.

I would really prefer them all to be crafted beautifully, you know, Pinterest worthy.  I’d like to show off our creations, and have you jealous.  Have you ask us to show you how we could have possibly made these amazing pieces of art. 

But instead, we had fun.  We laughed.  We cracked them.  We got our fingers stained.

We ended up with eggs just like life- not what you expect, not what you’d design, but beautiful and messy, and what you wouldn’t trade for the world.

I think God sees us like that too.  We are cracked and stained, and not exactly perfect.  But He loves us and accepts us, and even celebrates us. He holds us up to the world and claims us as His own.  I couldn’t be more thankful for that.

 “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1)

Real Life

I love inspirational quotes, blog posts that uplift and empower, special moments with my kids, family vacations, and backyard camping. I love Hallmark moments.

I like to look back at photos from happy days, with my smiling boys and fun yet educational outings. I love to plan those rare days, where I leave the hated blackberry at home and focus on what matters. On those days I dream of my future with a flexible work schedule on my terms where I have more days like this.

But sometimes I put so much pressure on myself and our family to have all days be like that. I’m on vacation this week, and despite lack of finances to go away, I wanted to plan a fun and memorable stay-cation. I made a Pinterest board, I posted on Facebook, I made notes and did research. I emailed the schedule out, and told everyone it would be like vacation except we’d sleep at home. But it didn’t really turn out that way.

My husband got sick, which happens way too often, which ended much of our plans. So I sat home and sulked while letting the boys watch all the TV they wanted. I’m sulking over vacation days wasted and plans ruined and what I think I deserve on my rare free days.

Reality check. Life doesn’t always go to plan, people get sick, things happen. And today I’m not even going to remind myself of all I know, that these days can be just as good (or better) than the planned days, that I have much to be thankful for.

Today, I’m sharing a photo of reality. Not the pretty happy photos we all usually post, but the gritty real life we share with those we love.

We too often put up a front that all is well and life is grand. Then others wish their life was like that. We all do it sometimes, either faking it or wishing for a life we don’t even realize is faked. But we all have these days, not every moment is Hallmark.

Sharing life is sharing it all.

And I’ll start saving money to plan a real vacation soon!

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A bit more crazy….

You’re going to think this sounds crazy, and I’ve started to write variations of this post many times before but always stop myself because I can’t let you see all the crazy. Not all at once anyway.

I was on my favorite time wasting   idea inspiring site, Pinterest last week, and saw this look.  My first thought?  Ooh, that’s my funeral outfit!  Not for any random funeral, but for Austin’s.  For quite a while I’ve had a list of songs to consider for his service and have always joked that it would be my excuse to buy new big black sunglasses.  You know, cause no one gets to see me cry.  I make jokes to cope, and I think I routinely look at things in a realistic way, to help prepare myself for what may come, while realizing that the worst case scenario rarely happens.  And I look for ways to see the best in a bad situation.  Since I believe that we’ll almost certainly find Austin one day through discovery of remains, to me a funeral is realistic.

It’s also something I am jealous of… because though it would mean answers we don’t want, it would mean answers.  It would mean finally being able to explain to my son where his uncle is when he asks.  It would mean having a complete story of Austin to tell my younger son one day, who never met him. 

So this outfit is an odd combo of hope that we’ll have answers one day, realism that when we do it will likely be answers that hurt, and trying to make the best of things by thinking that at least I could look stylish through grief.  So yes, I’m a bit crazy.  But I do see all that in the photo.

p.s.  except the shoes, with those I just see me with another ankle or knee surgery!