Things that Matter

I get overwhelmed with this writing thing often. A few years ago, when I started, I didn’t have any real goals but to share my heart and search for Hope with you all. I got lost in trying to find my audience and caring if you showed up and read my words and wondering where this would go and learning how to make a better site and questioning if it mattered and comparing my words to others, my story to others.

I’m not getting anywhere I want to go fast enough. Or maybe at all.

And then I get overwhelmed with all the things I want to say, all the things that need to get done, the feelings of it not mattering anyway, and so I don’t. And that’s why it’s been too long since I’ve shared here. Cause my life and my thoughts and my feelings are messy.

But I’m here.

Because it does matter. Not because I’m of any significant importance- but because we all are, and because the stories of all of us matter. And I want to keep hearing yours.

Oh, and the revelation of the day for me? (And yes, this is one of those that I think God keeps revealing to me over and over and must frustrate Him sometimes.) There is no fast enough, there is no timeline. There is today, and what I can do with that. He’s got plenty of time to use me and love me, and let me do the same for others.

Today I’ll beat myself up a bit less over my time away and release the pressure valve that says I’m not getting “there” fast enough, and just hang out with you here. Because really, there is no “there”- it’s just simply “here now.”

Do you believe any of these crazy lies, like that your voice doesn’t need to be heard? It does my friend, it does.



Throw Narrow

Back in high school, I was a Diver.  That was after years of injuries left me unable to continue in my original love, Gymnastics.  Tumbling in air with much less impact on my sore joints was perfect.  {Though the story of the time I landed flat on my back 8 times in a row when I just couldn’t get a dive still makes me cringe.}

A board and water is a lot different from the floor though, and I had a lot to learn.  One of my first lessons on a type of dive I hadn’t done before, an Inward, included the direction to “throw an arrow.”  It came along with hand gestures- starting with the arms above the head, and slicing them down to come together in front of you, making a V.  So it made sense.  The end of an arrow is a V shape.  So I worked on throwing an arrow.  I got pretty good at it.

Until one day I repeated the words back to my coach, and got a laugh.  Apparently, he was saying “throw narrow” all along.  You see, when you throw narrow, you can jump straight up and still have the force of your arm movement push you out just enough to clear the board.  You focus your effort on that narrow space, and you have success.  If you throw wide and jump straight, you’re likely to hit the board.

It’s been years since I’ve been on a diving board, but the story came back to me yesterday as I thought about my focus.  I’ve been jumping straight- meaning, I’ve had great effort and intent.  But I haven’t narrowed my focus.  I’m throwing all I can into all there is, without the focus needed to stop banging my head on the board.

Throw Narrow.

I’ve already decided to give up a few small things I’m doing, and am considering what else I can do to narrow my focus.

I’ve also realized that for me, throwing narrow means focusing on reaching women.  My story of struggling through the loss of my brother, my husband’s chronic illness, and juggling motherhood and work will best be told if I focus narrow, where I can best be used and heard.  I didn’t really like that message I was hearing from God- after all, I have always had stronger relationships with guys (something to do with my sarcastic self I guess).  But God used a few things this week to show me where my narrow is.

Two of those things are these simple interviews I shared on other sites in the past week.  They forced me to stop and really think through some questions that are simple, but have tough answers.

Journey for Earth

Blog Formatting

“You don’t have to make it big.  You have to make it matter.”  – Jon Acuff

What could matter more in your life if you had a more narrow focus?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!


My "fabulous" artwork

My “fabulous” artwork